Train of Thoughts I

Train of Thoughts I
I woke up suddenly in the middle of the night. Of course you will call 3.46 a.m. as early morning but a person who sleeps at 2.30 a.m., may not. But it also looked like the middle of the night. Though there were big street lights illuminating the road, the sky was still dark, and more so because of the rain clouds. And so was my room, getting only some light thrown into it from the corridor through the wide sky-light covered with frosted glass-panes. But as my eyes opened they saw only darkness, may be because sleep was still clinging to the lashes. So when I woke up, practically only one of my five senses (for I doubt my sixth sense) was working with its full strength, the one that actually woke me up, my auditory sense i.e. my ears.


In the dead of night I heard the rain falling quietly and at a constant rate. The sounds that the drops made were almost the same at any point of time. For almost fifteen minutes from the moment my eyes opened to the dripping sounds, I kept lying motionless like the night, on my bed, listening to the rhythm of the regular drops and the music of the stillness beyond. Strangely no crickets were shouting or any frogs croaking. On the whole I was almost numb except for my ears, lying on the bed, feeling heavy and strength-less to move. I tried but failed to move even a finger. My mind felt heavy too, recollecting slowly but surely all that you have done and I have done and my life has done to me. The deepest and the heaviest of thoughts and memories invaded my brain. And to my disappointment, I only kept missing the best and the sweetest times. The next moment, realising that you are no more there in my life, the best memories gave the worst pain. Anyway, my tears have dried and at that moment I was cold and numb. So I did not cry for you anymore. Rather it seemed that the sky was heavy with sorrow and the clouds worked as its tear glands.


I, ultimately, decided to drop those worthless thoughts and with the strength of a moment pulled myself out of the spoiling, soft mattress and switched on the light to help me come back to reality. I sat back on the bed for some seconds, thought of making a cup of tea or coffee but was too sleepy, lazy, tired, hesitant and sad for it. I switched off the light again, hit the pillow with my head, curled up, closed my eyes tight, switched off my mind too and lost myself in some unknown land where you were not there to bother me anymore.

The Lane I Cannot Visit Again

I was walking down a lonely lane. It was breezy. Draughts of breeze kept passing by, touching me softly. Sometimes it was cool, sometimes cold. And sometimes it used to stop; it was warm during those moments, as if time had come to a stand still.
I walked a few steps ahead, most of the times looking at the ground. I noticed some familiar pebbles scattered on the way. I picked them up. Some were transparent like crystals. I could not recollect seeing some of them before. But I could recognise some signs the others had.
While I was observing this, suddenly it started drizzling. The droplets were small. I wiped those off from my cheeks. It started raining a little more heavily. The pebbles were damp now. I could not bear holding them longer. So I dropped them there and moved ahead.
Slowly the sky cleared and I saw the sun smiling soothingly at me. There were some more pebbles, dry and clean, reminding me of the happy times. They just brought a subtle but says-it-all smile on my lips.
Suddenly, I heard somebody calling me from far behind, almost from the end of the road. The voice was coming from far away and, from the place I was standing, it sounded absolutely unfamiliar. My eyes tried hard to see and eventually gave way, they opened and I realised where I was. I was at this end of the memory lane where the sequence of memories ends, i.e., in the present. And the voice was of the most recent inclusion in my life, my husband. I got to know that I cannot go back to the memory lane again but in dreams.

Chand ki thandi ye chandni,
Us se ubalta hua ye paani,
Is garm-thande paani ke kinaare,
Bane honge jaane kitne kahani.

Kaeen chale honge nanhe kadam,
Kaeen jale honge rasm-e-dharam,
Kaeen beete honge mausam-e-bahar,
Khile honge jaane kitne jawaani.

Ye ped aur ye jhokhein hawa ke,
Kitne patte, kitne jhokhein gawa ke,
Khamosh khade samete jaate hai,
Yaadein…kuch sukhe, kuch suhani.

Zameen ne peee wo aansu geele,
Aasmaan suna jab hasin khile,
Dunia se door duniyaan base yahan,
Aaj phir chali ik aur ki rawani.

Lamhe aaj hai naye-puraane,
Kuch pehchaane, kuch anjaane,
Par baat ek ab bhi na badli,
Tu hi inka raja, aur mein rani!